My wife came up to me and said, "I want you to make me scream with 2 fingers!" So I poked her in the eyes!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the alcoholic Indian do? Continued to drink and further worsen his people's stereotype.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do Michael Jordan and LeBron James have in common? They both have won NBA championships...except for Lebron.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side Why did the duck cross the road? I don't know. I only know why the chicken crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What word is 7 letters long, is composed of the letters N,G,G,E,R, and S, and stands for a group of people who annoy the crap out of you? NAGGERS.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

tennis grunts . . . no different from sex noises

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Do you like apples? Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did one dinosaure say to the other? Nothin, they are all dead. XD

thumb_up thumb_down +1

yo Mama so stupid that she took a piece of paper and taped it on the t.v and called it paperview.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

In Soviet Russia you don't drive car, because the Soviet Union was disbanded in 1991

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why can't the blonde dial 911? Because she's been bound and gagged by kidnappers who are holding her for ransom.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I told my grandmother to act her age.... she then died

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why was the black man blind? because he was black.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I don't know which one is emptier my bank account or my love life

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If life though you lemons, through skittles at them and say tast the freakin rainbow.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Fox News

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? To cause global mayhem.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other "dang, it's really hot in here." Realizing that muffins can not talk the other muffin wakes up to a very hungry man biting his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

One dark, stormy night, there was a man, limping slowly down the road. He looked across the road and noticed a little girl on a park bench. He carefully moved around behind , creeped up, and slowly tapped her on the shoulder. I tap 2 tap 3 tap The little girl slowly turned her head, and as she did, the man uttered 3 sentences.... "Would you mind helping me get back to my apartment, my hand was cut off in the war, while I was serving my country, which is why I have a hook as opposed to a hand. I was heading back to my apartment to greet my wife and 2 little children, since I just got back from a long day's work at the soup kitchen, helping those in need, and I sprained my ankle. By the way, my name I John Thompson."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A plane crashes near an uncharted island with a low supply of fresh water and hardly any animals, except for a few deadly ones. How do the survivors live until rescuers show up? -There were no survivors from the plane crash

thumb_up thumb_down +1

*Knock knock* Who's there? No one answers so the man opens the door and gets stabbed 7 times in the chest

thumb_up thumb_down +1

One time at band camp, We practice playing our instruments and had fun.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops