- Anti Joke

how many pieces of wood can a lumberjack cut in a minute? three dead squrlles a hat and and half of a tree oh and a bus. and if u get in his way alot of guts spewed every where

Three Arabian men are on a plane, they stand up, and shout BOMB, BOMB, BOMB! All three have Tourettes.

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

Yo mama's so fat because she has a glandular disorder that makes her fat.

A man walks into a bar and asks for 6 vodka shots. The bartender looks at him in a strange manner. The man quickly downs all 6 of the vodka shots. The bartender looks at the man and says "Jeepers mate, whats the celebration?" The man replies "Well mate, first blow job today" The bartender in a kind gesture says "Here you go mate, next one is one me" while pouring another shot. The man respectfully replies, "No thanks mate, if 6 didn't get the taste away, im sure 7 won't"

Why did the chicken cross the road---- because he's having financial and relationship related problems that make his life so hideously unbearable that he wants to kill himself and because he's a chicken and cannot overdose or hang himself he goes for the most viable option as to run across a busy street in hopes of getting smashed to oblivion by a car

Why did the girl buy the watermelon? To eat it.

What did Batman say to Robin before getting into the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

What did the over-baring Chinese couple say to their son who got an A- in algebra? How do I know? I don't speak Chinese!

an athiest walks into a church

Two black guys and two asians get pulled over. The cop says i cant let you go unless all of your dicks add up to 15 inches. They added up to exactly 15 inches - The black guys both added up to 7 inches each and the asians added up to 1/2 inch each. When they were driving away both of the asians said thank god we had boners.

So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

A black man shoots someone. He was a cop and he killed a dangerous man who attacked him.

Why are white people white? Cuz they were Born This Way Why are black people black? Cuz they were Born This Way Why are Mexicans so tan? Cuz they were in the sun too long at birth

A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

Why the chimp fell off the tree? Because it's dead.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fish.

What if someone sold your socks to a Jew? I would blackflip through the air and shit on his chest.

What's the difference between humans and dogs? 4.

A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. The man apologizes, and the bra assures him not to worry. They both continue on their way. The man wonders what a bra is doing walking around unattached to a woman, especially this late at night.

So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

How do you make a great cake? Bett Crocker books

What did the woman say when she ate crabs. This smells like my vagina (This women died slowly from crabs)

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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