I haven't left my basement in 29 years

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What is the only day of the year when you're guaranteed to find me? The day I kill you.

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Elephants can jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

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Why didnt the homeless man eat the cheese? Because he died right before he ate it. :-(

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When is a door not a door? When your house burns down.

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Want to get shot? Go to Virginia Tech. Too Soon?

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Did you hear about the kid from Texas? He shot his campus up.

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Why did the kid give a bad presentation in class? He knew basically nothing about the topic, and on top of that had a large erection.

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Why do black people like kool aid? Why It is a very hydrating and delicious drink

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What happened when the man lost his sandwich? He couldnt eat.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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why did the grandmom make rollerblades into cookies? because she had dementia

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Your Mum Is So Dumb, It Took Her 2 Hours To Watch 60 Minutes.

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how did the girl with a hook-hand do her hair? She didn't

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Three men are sitting in a tub. One of them says "Toss me the soap." The second one says "Toss me the shampoo." The third one says "Toss me the toaster."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

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Q: What's your dog's name ? A: Dog. Q: What's your cat's name ? A: Cat. Q: What's your dick's name A: Pinky

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What smells worse than cow manure? Burning Jews.

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You: Hey, I have a good knock knock joke, here, you start! -and if all goes well...- Them: Knock knock! You:Who's there? Them: Uhh...

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i'll leave 'em dead in the living room. get it leave 'em dead in the living room

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A duck walks into a bar, guess what the bartender does............ GIVES HIM A SEAT AND 6 FREE SHOTS! But instead of that the bartender promptly escort the duck out considering the fact that in all bars there is a no animal and/or pet policy so the duck went... and commitid a series of loud noises before he got to a hotel and hung itself, that is what any depressed hungover duck would do.

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"I am proud to be black and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Not racist. "I am proud to be white and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Racist and offensive to black people "I am proud to be asian and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Not racist "I am proud to be Ethiopian and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Said nobody, ever

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Person 1: 'Ask me if I'm a tree' Person 2: 'Are you a tree?' Person 1: 'No.'

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Why the guy without two hands at the beach was so excited? Because he couldn't scratch his asshole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops