- Anti Joke

What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? The lighbulb isn't also dying of terminal cancer.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

What do you call something that comes out of a llama's butt? poop

What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

A seal walks into a club...

Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

the world flooded and everybody died how did they die? the all fell into lava!

Wanna hear a joke? Sure. Too bad I don't have one.

What has two legs and graduated from ninja school? Okyrin Sakajuru. He also went on to win two all city titles and roundhouse kick of the day, performed on a wild tiger. As time passes, he stops practicing and becomes a lethargic street criminal. He is eventually captured by local authorities and charged with the robberies and two counts of aggravated assault. Leaving his children behind to the system where they are neglected and depressed about their fathers situation. He makes bail after 3 months and opens a strip club for dwarfs but loses it all after not finding stripper poles that are dwarf friendly.

Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

Why did the girl buy wine? She was hosting a party for four of her closest friends.

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

what did the girl trapped in the fire say? help

What's the biggest difference between the East and West Coast? About 3,000 miles.

I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia.

Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for at least 3 hours.

I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

America Votes

why do black people like to play basketball steal shoot and run

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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