Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? an email from PETA

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Why was the women not in the kitchen? Because she was probably doing something else

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CAS

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Some poems rhyme This doesn't.

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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Bob: Oh, there was a big surfing competition in Hawaii. Bill: that's really cool. Bob: yeah, there were huge waves up to 53 feet. Bill: Awesome! Bob: Yeah there was a Japanese guy that won. Bill: Wow, that will bring up the spirits of japan. Bob: Yeah, but he got disqualified. Bill: No, how?!?! Bob: he was surfing on his dresser.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? your enemy your enemy who? your nemesis who was brutally raped and murdered last nigh.

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How can you tell if there is an idiot at a dogfight? When someone pits a Chihuahua. How can you tell if there is a moron at a dogfight? When someone BETS on the Chihuahua. How can you tell if there is a cheater at a dogfight? When the victory goes to the Chihuahua.

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What's black and white and in the desert? Tourists being held hostage by a tribe.

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what is the tastiest veggie? veggies aren't tasty.

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Tina: Mom, would you love me if I was straight Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was gay Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was Bi Mom: No Tina: Why not Mom: Because that's selfish!

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Q: what is white and can't climb trees? A: A refrigerator

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how do you get a clown off a swing i dont know but dont call suzy

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What's black and white and red all over? A nun that was stabbed to death.

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Knock Knock DAMMIT WOMAN MAKE ME A SAMMACH

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Doctor, people dont notice me anymore, doctor?... HEEEEEEEEEEEY!

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Alternate ending for children: Despite the massive trauma that the spider suffered from his fall and the sheer volume of rain in the confined space of a pipe, it made a miraculous recover due to the sun coming out. It was however, forever doomed to repeat this cycle of undeath for ever more. [L]

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What's black, white and red all over? A nun that's just been shot.

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A man comes home to find his wife sleeping with another woman. He molests them both.

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Why are New Yorkers hated on so much? Becuase the Yankees suck ass.

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Stop me if you heard this one before.

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What did the pineapple say to the orange? Nothing; Neither a pineapple nor an orange contains the necessary muscles to produce speech.

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Why doesn't Micheal Jackson do a music video with Usher? Because he is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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