EVOLUTION OF MODERN SAYINGS 1 The Samurai: If at first you don't succeed, kill yourself. The British: If at first you don't succeed, give up The Americans: If at first you don't succeed, sue someone, then try again in hopes of a larger payout next time

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Set up Punch line.

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Slug on ya tooth Gavin David Newman

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Or something... Volume one. What do you do if you are in the jungle and get confronted by one jaguar to your left, and one tiger at the right and got only one bullet left in your gun? You shoot the Jaguar and drive home in the tiger.

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Why wasn't the black woman allowed on the bus? It was rush hour and the bus was full.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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If you die laughting, How are you telling this to me?

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Q: What do a dead cat and a flower have in common. A: Nothing, just go away.

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When life throws you lemons, duck.

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It is true that Trump will make America great again.

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What did the giraffe say to the other? nothing giraffes cant talk

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"I know it. I can feel it in my nuggets." -Chicken Joe

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A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

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Once upon a time there was a man that was exercising and he pulled a muscle and had to have his arm removed. The end.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? (Other): "Because the P is silent." Because they're extinct.

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What do you call a Mexican playing basketball? A man of hispanic heritage that enjoys the sport of basketball.

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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Why couldn't Sally celebrate hollaween? Because she's not allowed to take candy from strangers. Also Sally died a week ago in a car crash.

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How did the polar bear get the bottle of coke? He killed the little boy

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But who would want to sell us out and why?

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Hey, I just met you. Nice to meet you.

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Did you hear about the guy who came onto his best friend's wife? Yeah, she handed him some kleenex after and told him to wipe it off.

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What do you get when you cross a dead monkey, a chair fitted with wheels for use as a means of transport by a person, Isaac Newton & the creator of the website? Stephen Hawking.

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What did the boy with a crippled arm get for his birthday? A guitar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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