- Anti Joke

How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? On average 2,950, however, this has not been properly tested due to obvious reasons.

Ben: Something smells like updog. Jenny: What's updog? Ben: Nothin' much

What is worse than menopause? Falling down the stairs breaking your next....

Why was Carlos fired? Because he stole and smelled of weed.

This sentence will not end the way you octopus.

What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

Yeah your point? Anyway, so then the brain surgeon goes: I have have cut into thousands of brains, and never seen a single thought.

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

look at your sister now look at me now look at your sister now look at me you probably have now realized that you cant see me.

Why did the girl fall out of the tree? Because she had no arms

McDonald. It's run by Lawers

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to his mother's funeral.

A group of teenage boys put a flaming bag of dog feces on Old Man Howard's doorstep. He came out and demanded that they stop such behavior at once. They did, and the day went on normally.

Why did Jenny fail her photography class? Because Jenny has epilepsy and she had a coma while taking the final exam. To this day Jenny is drain dead in the hospital.

LAST COMMENT? DISGUSTIIIING! NO YOU TAKE IT!

What's the worst part about rollerblading? Telling your dad that you're gay.

What is a white supremacist's favorite color? It varies depending on the individual.

Why was the black man out of a job? because he was recently laid off and had not found any job offerings that he would be interested in

Why was the chinese man kicked out of the bar? Because he was under aged

well use a tissue!

Sittin' on the couch with the morning post With a cold cup of coffee and some boring toast Thinkin' I'm-a change it up, yeah that's always fun What you reckon, Remz? A McDonald's run So we hit the couch cushions, need some dollars, friend Yo, I found a five. Man, that's Canadian. How 'bout a loonie? A twonie? A spoon or The Goonies? Oh, it's 10:25. Dude, you gotta move, G. Got the cash, got the car, got the pedal to the floor Speed limit's 25, but I'm doing 34 Going drive-thru style, man it's fast express You can call it trans fat, I call it happiness Roll up to the teller fella with a minute to spare Frenchy with a headset, "can I take your order?" A McGriddle with a little sweet and sour there, son A McMuffin, then be stuffin' muffins up in my trunk Then a tray or two of hotcakes, man I can't decide, uh... All's I know is hit them things with Aunt Jemimah How 'bout an egg fajita for some Texas flavor No drama but my momma wants a breakfast bagel Don't forget my #4, or there'll be hell to spend And I want them eggs poached like an elephant Frenchy back on the line, "is that all your order?" No it ain't, fool, I want a Coca-Cola! Get my cup of Coke and I'm-a start a riot Cuz on the cup lid, dude depressed the "diet" Check his shirt tag, and I catch the name Brian, I ain't tryin' to drink aspartame Sittin' on the couch, 'bout an hour later Pickin' at a pouch of some Now n' Laters Hardly starving, man, but I find a hunch Start the car up fast because it's time for lunch It just takes two bucks and I get what I need Two beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese "Supersize Me" said he's had enough of it But how is it bad for my heart if I'm in love with it? If you never had McDonald's, heck, well dude you should It's a party, like a Hardee's, except the food is good Just don't get a large #2, I plead with you friend Cuz it'll be a large #2 when you see it again Enter the store, first you holla, then you Pick a couple items off the dollar menu Four hot McNuggets, dessert with custard Mix the sweet n' sour with a squirt of mustard. A Big Mac attack, you can max the lettuce Paying ain't a pain, they take cash or credit Want a water? You can pay up there for spring Or get the free Grimace cup--how embarassing They say, "you're playing with a cardiac arrest, my boy" Only thing bad for my heart's when they forget my toy Now I'm-a have a milkshake, but before you rant It's made of shamrocks--now that's a plant People say it's bad, but I don't believe them McDonald's is peace--just ask Tom Friedman Momma catch me with a 'zine, and she's screaming "stop! Don't you worry, Mom, it's just my man Ray Kroc

why did the chicken cross the road? because he was very hungrey and saw some seed on the other side.

Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she is likely to be there for some time.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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