There once was an old lady who lived in shoe. She had so many children, her uterus fell out.

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This is a haiku I said this is a haiku You read a haiku

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Q: What did Nala say to Simba during the stampede? A: Nothing. She was nowhere to be found during that scene.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They promptly order their drinks and leave.

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what did the murderer say when he lost his gun? dangit. now i cant kill anyone

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whats red and smells like blue paint? blue paint on the rag

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jack and jill went up the hill to fetch some water , jill ended up bending over and jack ended up touching a blue waffle

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What shoes keep dogs quiet? Hush puppies.

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There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

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This is a joke...that your supposed to laugh at.

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This is a story of Bobbie He was fat so he got bullied at school he did not have any friends. He ate a lot and watched the television. He was called names such as big, fat, an idiot, clumsy. But he begun to realise that if he was smart, he could become rich. So he studied hard and hard, but he did not become better at it. So he thought I want to succeed in sports, so he began exercising and was on a strict diet, but nothing changed. He was still fat and unfit. Then one day he knew that he couldn't succeed. So he asked God, what is the purpose of me living, why can't I have something, maybe a talent. God replied I'm sorry but I can't give you a talent. You have to figure it out by yourself. Then Bobbie knew what his talent was. So the following morning Bobbie went to www.anti-joke.com and began writing jokes. Octopus. Bye

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Whats great about F***ing twenty one year olds? There's twenty of them.

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Knock knock

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How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

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how do you break up with someone lightly and not hurt their feeling I dont want to hurt your feeling but i hate you

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No, its just his eye, its infected, he gets fever and well, that is all I should say. Nero is my friend and I do not like it when people lie to him, he is outside having a cigarette, I do not think he wants to speak with you anymore. Bye.

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Why did Christopher Columbus sail to America? Because sailing was faster than swimming.

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Rejected Disney titles: - 1,000,000,001 Dalmatians: The Need of Neutering - Beauty and the Bricks - Zambi: the Walking Deer - The Iron King 2: Simba's Ferride - The Little Mormon - Cinderella 4: The Fairy Godfather and his Mafia - Tarzipan of the Choco-Apes - Brother Boar - Home on Deranged - The Emperor's New Sith Apprentice - Mickey and the Mousetrap - Lilo and B**ch

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Q: When do you know you've had to much to drink? A: When the zebra in your belly button starts talking to you

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Knock Knock Who's there? Xiao Kaan Xiao kaan who? Fu*k you ugly lauuhhh

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What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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Why didnt the boy eat his ice cream? Because he is dairy intolerant

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Whats worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm. Wats worse then biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into an eggplant and finding half a worm, as eggplants are usually more expensive so you will have wasted more money and would probably not be willing to eat the rest. And eggplants taste like shit.

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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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