What's black, white, and red all over? Half of a dalmatian.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

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What did the policeman say to the black thief? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning, if you wish. If you decide to answer any questions now, without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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How do we achieve world peace? KILL EVERYBODY. Nobody can fight when they're dead.

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why doesn't anyone like reed? who cares, no one likes reed

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Why did the audience leave disappointed? Low budget and poor directing.

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Whos allergic to BS You R! :D

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Whats worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being stabbed.

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wanna hear a joke? woman's rights.

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i read the terms of service when i posted this

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Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side??? Yeah he's all right now!!!

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Why did the boy get nothing from Santa? He's Jewish.

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What did the potato say to the man It said nothing it is a potato

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What did Timmy say when the bus crashed? Nothing, it was a horrible crash, he died like everyone else. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Timmy.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow who? The one from the farm across the street. Can Randy come play outside?

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The next sentence is true. The last sentence was a lie.

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What has two legs and oinks? Half a pig.

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What happened while Thomas crossed the street? He got hit by a truck. What happened to Billy? He was Thomas's Siamese twin, and he too met the same fate.

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What did Electra give her Dad for his birthday? Head. That's why her name is Electra.

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What do you call someone who is unwilfully forced into a life of emotional abuse and domestic violence? My daughter.

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Why was the black man pulled over? Racism still lingers in today's society.

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what do you get when you mix a llama with a ostrich? i dont know

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jingle bells jingle bells,, bells were jingled!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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