Knock knock Who's there? The events which followed are described by police as the August 4th massacre in which a family of five were brutally murdered by two prison escapees who broke into the house in search of a place to hideout.

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tommy is retared

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How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

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? The person who made that "joke" down there has no life ?

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why did the boy loose his job.... because he was only 14,dont know how he got it in the first place Chuckles

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It's Christmas in Iraq. Merry Christmas

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there once was a black man who played basketball

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How do you know if a girl is special? If she hates justin bieber, Twilight, and is open to threeways.

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What does a man and an orange have in common? Nothing.

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How did Jimmy get into the R movie? He bought a ticket.

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What do Mitt Romney and Barak Obama have in common? Nothing that is why they are running against each other for US President.

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Why didn't Suzie Fall off the Swings? She Has no legs and couldn't get on

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What do you call sad communities that have to share resources? Communists.

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your mammas so fat tha-- my mother is dead. oh... sorry.

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How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

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one day i went on a swing, somone pushed me and i fell broke my leg,cracked three ribs, cut my lip, fractured my toe and died of internal bleeding to my brain.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky, It hit one of the random green pipes.

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How do you make your grandma fly? Push her off the back of a plane.

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What is the black kid down the street getting for his birthday? Well first of all, his name is Pat. And he asked his parents for an Xbox that he will likely receive, and I assume a variety of other gifts from friends and family.

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How many dead babies does it take to fill a bathtub? It is highly unlikely one would have a supply of dead babies large enough to answer this question.

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Why did the pineapple cry? It didn't, because it's a pineapple.

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Why was the washing machine laughing? Because you're on drugs.

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Q: What is green, has red shoes, exists in videogames and runs really really fast while collecting rings, running trough loops, has a fox sidekick etc? A: Sonic The Hedgefrog. Moral: I was always a bigger fan of Super Fratelli Brothers though...

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What's hard when you eat a vegetable? The wheelchair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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