what's the worst lie in the universe? I swear to god that was my last piece of gum

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How do you fit 76 babies in a bath tub... With a blender. How do you get them back out? With tortilla chips.

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Life on the line? I just do it for the kill and the potential savage rape and consumption! And yeah, a man is not a man but a boy if he cant protect his lady friends. HEY WAIT A FUCKING MOMENT! Why you playing so hard to get now? YOUR FLESH IS MINE! It is just like a billion pages ago where we where talking VERY down and dirty.

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Three men of different ethnic and socio-economic upbringings enter a pub. A strange situation befalls them or a question is posed. The first two respond in turn, in manners typical of their profession or educational background. The third, however, either draws on his specific expertise and responds so as to outwit the others, or makes an egregious and pun-filled blunder, leaving himself open to mockery by his peers.

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What starts with F and ends in U C K? firetruck What starts with P and ends in O R N? popcorn What only costs 5 cents on weekends? your mom

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Man: Did It Hurt Woman: Did what hurt? Man: When your legs were crushed after being run over by that semi

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, its because your wearing a suit and on the front door it says no people in suits are allowed." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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So a 12 year old suicide bomber walks in to a military base and kills 31 soldiers. It happened. Look it up.

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Thank you very much for being so kind to me throughout the years. I have never known a better man. Rest in peace.

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Yo momma is so stupid people make fun of her for her learning disability

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How did the Mexican cross the border without getting caught? He didn't; he was executed immediately.

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Why did Samuel drive his car into a tree? Because the tree was being a total jerk, blocking the road.

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? The grass was getting to high and needed to be trimmed.

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What did death say to life? Go die

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What's worse than a fake bomb? Do I really have to answer that?

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hey timmy, wanna go to Disneyworld?! tough. *10 seconds later* still no timmy

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Why do they call it "Unsweetened Tea?" Did they put sugar in it and then take it back out again?

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What do u firmly grasp and stroke until u can't go any longer? A shakeweight....

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Person 1: Knock knock Person 2: Whose there? Person 1: Frank Person 2: Oh, hey man. Come on in.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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What is Lady Gaga's real name? Who the crap knows?

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Why did the homeless man kill his dog? Because a drunk rich guy said he'd pay him a hundred dollars if he did.

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Why doesn't Santa Claus change his socks on Christmas Eve? Because he isn't real.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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