What's big, black, juicy, large, and succulent? A gourmet meatball.

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why didn't the girl show up for school? because she was dead

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

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Why was the ginger angry with the manager of the hardware store? His smoke detector didn’t come with a snooze button.

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What did the boy dog say to the girl dog? Ruff

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what do you call a room with no people in it? empty What do you call a room with over 9000 people in it? a fire hazard

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Why couldn't Stephen Hawking run a marathon? He was struck by a very serious disease, otherwise known as refrigerator to the face, at the age of 5.

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Guys, I think I'm gonna apply to join the Crips. My SAT score is a 2050, and their average score is a 2200. My GPA, however, is a 4.6, and their average is only a 4.2. Do you guys think that they will take me? Or should I try and apply for the Bloods?

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So a Priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar... And got drinks. What did you think was going to happen?

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This "anti-joke" got me an A+ many many years ago, shortened though, so you can make Your own conclusions. Beware of the rising sight, do not stare at the sunny dry sky... The poles... Do not stare at the blood as it drips it, the sand covered ground soaked red... Cover your ears! The seal is not looking above, with but is shouting to you! "WHY DID YOU FORSAKE ME!!!" HE ASKS AS YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN HIT HIM, smirking sadistically, SMILING, yes... Even LAUGHING! The rain soaks you wet, as the skies themselves cry and hide in shame... ...The seal is broken, so watch as your kin, those among your children twist to hellish beasts whose demon is the only name they bear... Readying to conquer the world! ...Yet they need to be certain, to be certain that your master is gone, yet we have waited FOR TOO DAMN LONG! The master answers no more, darkness covers the skies as the blood soaked earth beyond your feet decays, yet you feel no fear, no adrenaline pumping, no tears, no soul crushing fear! What kind of MONSTER ARE YOU? Darkness falls, you struggle with no defense... No excuse... You BROKE THE SEAL! The first three awaken, as the conquest of this world IS AT HAND OF THE DEMONS! ...This leads to war... To strife, to disease!... Until you cannot run no more... Hope... You fall to your knees saying your last prayers, as the pale one appears before you... Jesus? No, his hateful father which abandoned you over two thousand years ago... ...Salvation you shout to the skies! Our savior is here! As the forces of darkness stare in defeat... Yet as his father, the father of sin, the father of the seal gazes into your soul with red eyes and demonic teeth and laughs, you no longer wonder where is your God, nor what has he become... ...But rather what you made him, the light of glory, now the new KING OF DARKNESS! AND ALL THANKS TO YOU MOCKING THE MEMORY OF HIS SONS DEATH! You had it coming, this world belongs to us... And we are not your kind... TRUE GLORY BE KNOWN TO ALL! THE ERA OF THE TRUE DEMONS IS OVER! ...You are the last remaining, lying on the floor broken, the very last words you hear... ...Revenge is mine! Humanity is dead... You feel the holy spirit, yet all you feel is satisfied quenched screams of centuries, even millenia of revenge... ...Rule new children of the dark, humanity is taking its deepest, saddest last breaths, "The death of my only true son, shall no longer pass me by" God has finally returned... But not to save you... ...God is against you! and you know why FAR TOO WELL!... :You know far too well who I am... But then again, do you know me and what I am at all? You will... Soon enough children of the forsaken one... Because I am his prophet.

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What happened to the boy who tried to cross the road? He got hit by a semi-truck and died.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Daddy drinks, Because you cry.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he is a chicken and is not intelligent enough to know that he is about to be hit by a bus while hopelessly searching for food under an elderly man's nose.

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woman's rights

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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What black and has children A black man

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MySpace.

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What do black people and bananas have in common? 50% of their DNA

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A man and his wife are walking home from a lovely evening at the movies when suddenly a masked man jumps from the bushes demanding a pad and pen, his mother just got a new phone number and he suffers from short term memory loss.

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What do you call a fat man who can turn slim? I don't know

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Two blondes walks into a tavern, which is kind of funny, since the second one should have seen it.

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Knock knock whos there? Underware Underware who? I underware my friends are

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Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

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What's worse than a holocaust? two holocausts.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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