Why did Emily fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Emily.

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roses are red violets are blue if u wanna fight call 111 ( we r in new zealand)

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What happened when the dinosaur walked into a lake? It got wet

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After pursuing a speeding vehicle for 10km at speeds ranging from 120 - 160km/h, the police officer managed to stop the driver. The driver of the vehicle rolled down the window and asked, "What seems to be the problem officer?" to which the police officer replied, "It sounds like one of your cylinders is firing incorrectly, you have a fairly large amount of carbon build-up on and around your exhaust pipe."

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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What is the difference between a shark and a human? A shark is a type of fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body and a human is the only living species in the Homo genus.

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If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, he'd be really really old.

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How many eskimos does it take to build an igloo? It depends... probably about six or seven.

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What did muscleman say to his dad? You know who else is my dad? MY MOM!

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What do you call it when you kill a Jewish homosexual? Murder.

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Where was little Sara when the bomb went off? Everywhere. "Knock Knock" "Who's there?" Sara's hands

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding two worms in your apple. and being an orphan.

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A jew a muslim and a catholic walk into a doctors office. The doctor is arrested for raping a child and his office closes. The Jew and Muslim find another doctor andthe Catholic dies because he had aids

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What's the difference between men and coca-cola? I don't like coca-cola

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What did the man at the haberdashery say? Six and seven-eighths, bub, six and seven-eighths.

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Peg leg Pete, yay, I know stuff too, I watched that one all the time when I was a girl.

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What do you get when you cross a surfer and a black man? An angry surfer and an angry black man. You really should be nicer to people.

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Know whats worse than a worm in your apple? Getting fridges thrown at you.

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Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

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Agent 47.

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What do you call a dead man in a ditch? Phil.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

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Whats worse than getting a paper-cut? Getting shot. In the head. Three times.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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