How do you keep your dog from running away? Put it on a leash.

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Where did the banana go? -Nowhere, a banana can't walk.,

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What did the teacher say to the boy whose dog had just died? Haha, your dog just died.

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Hey Johnny what's after 2?? 3.

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Husband: Take the f out of way. Wife: There's no f in way! Husband: You just swore

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If i open this door you can go trough it

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What did the boy born with cancer get for christmas? ... More cancer

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you know what hurts, a revolver bullet in your brain.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I need a job Stop spitting on me

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Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. And you said you'd never forget.

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Yo momma is so fat, that after boarding an airplane the flight crew respectfully asked her to deboard, as with her on board the plane would be exceeding the reccomended weight, and thus be unable to fly safely.

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what do the parents of a starved family do? kill their kids chop them up into little pieces and eat them.

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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too bad about that wild ball, you otherwise played a fantastic softball game"

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How I seem math word problems Scenario: 2 astronauts kayaking in the Sahara desert Question: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse Answer: Purple, because ice cream has no bones

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What do you do to get someone to shut up? You hit with a brick

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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Ey hornboy give es a SCAB

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? None, you don't have to be jewish to change a light bulb

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What do you call when you see a man murder 8 black guys? The police.

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What's short, green, and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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A seal walks into a club...and is taken in custody by animal control due to the club having a no animal policy.

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What is the pirate's favorite letter? Z.

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kcid gib a evah uoy neht sdrawkcab siht daer nac uoy fi

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops