What did the tree say to the other tree?....nothing cause trees can't talk!

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs? An amputee

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irish man drinking john smiths

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If Johnny has 5 apples and Susie has 7 apples, will they give them to the homeless?

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How do you make a clown cry? You hit them with an axe

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So I was walking down the street the other day, I went to the shop.

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How do you kill a Jewish person? You shoot him multiple times in the face

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OMG I JUST FOUND THE GREATEST WEBSITE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IT OUT OMG ITS http://anti-joke.com/submit

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How do you become a superhero? Eat 10 buckets of KFC.

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Why do women love Panera Bread? They think it's healthy.

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What super hero did they choose to be on the Blue Jays' team? Batman!

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Why can't Dave drive? Because Dave is an orange.

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Why does the same anti-jokes pop up over and over again? Because people have no creativity.

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How do you piss of camon? Have sex with shelby!

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A man walks out of a bar. Gets in his car and crashes because drunk driving isn't safe.

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What do you get when you cross a 747 with a passenger train? A large colission with hundreds dead and injured.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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Q. What did the monkey say to his little brother? A. Nothing. Monkeys are physically incapable of speaking, therefore it is impossible for them to communicate using the human language.

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What haircut did Timmy get at the barbershop? He didn't, he saved money from the barber by going through chemo.

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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What did the biker do when he heard about Kony 2012? He became a social activist and did his part by contributing to the cause.

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Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A tree stapled to a baby

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What did the guy say to helen keller nothing... according to helen keller

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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