Dear crush, I want to drink you

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a straight A student that takes 6 Vicodin's, 5 Percocet's, and 7 Adderalls? I don't know, but he will most likely die of drug overdose.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Want to hear an anti joke? Me too thats why Im on this site.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did batman say to robin before getting into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile robin.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why are objects in your mirror closer than they appear? Because they are closer than they appear.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what meows and is fuzzy and smells like manure? a cat being being killed with a chainsaw next to a cow

thumb_up thumb_down +17

My mom so fat, when she jumps gravity pushed her away from the ground

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What's black, white, and red all over? A: A horribly maimed zebra.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Did you hear the joke about the deaf mail man? No. Neither did he.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what do you get if you cross the mafia and the yakuza? a hefty bounty on your head

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit on the way there.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A dog got into a gingerbread house. She ate some and brought some to the basement it got on the couch!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock. Whose there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why did joe drop his clock? billy ran into him, therfore making the clock wobble in his hand until it fell at 34 mph.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Daisies are green, poppies are white, I have a headache.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why wasn't Steve paying attention in class? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,8

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I tried frying some fish today, and it started sizzling at me. I took it as a direct threat and started yelling at the stove. Eventually it stopped and dinner was ruined, but I was proud of myself for winning.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

The Charlotte Bobcats winning more than 10 games

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man had come into a bar. No wait, it was a horse. A man had come into a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops