Knock Knock CUM IN!

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-Children! Come inside! -Why? -We are going out...

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Q: What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas Carol? A: None. He was raised by gorillas, who are unlikely to have ever heard of Christmas.

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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Q: What do you call someone who cant swim? A: A person that cant swim.

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Loperson

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whats the difference between a brick wall and a jew? jews wear yamakas

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Whats better than having 5 dollars? Having 5 dollars and a pizza

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What's red and smells like metal? A tricycle. It's covered in blood.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? What ever you want, its still not going to come.

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Why does girls have two left feet and two left hands? Because girls have no rights.

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What do you do if a bird shuts on your windscreen? A:never take her out again.

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someone had sex with Justin bieber end result Justin went into labor

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Why did the student shoot his teacher? Because he was super depressed and was just diagnosed with stage four brain cancer. And he was black.

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Marrage s like a card game. You start off with 2 hearts and 1 diamond. You end up wishing for a club and a spade!

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the carrot jumped over the fence? It didn't. Carrots do not have the physical ability to jump.

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what is yellow with red all over tweety in a blender

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Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

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What kind of condoms do cows use? None.

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A little boy walks up to his father and asks his father to explain the birds and bees. The father then proceeds to rape the little boy.

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Unconventional thinking Something else out of one: So sometimes I feel there is something I want right? But I don't feel like I deserve it yet or i hesitate although I fucking want it So I go home, decide to take my time before I decide to buy it, and sit my ass on a chair covered with spikes until I decide it is time to get it, Moral 1: You want to take the better decision but don't feel time is right? Some spikes up your ass is not only the perfect way to change your mind, but in this case an excellent metaphor to why you want to keep doing whats best for you. Moral best: Think if you could get all that time you spent hesitating back, would that not be awesome? What if you just stop hesitating now? Would that not be aweso... Go fuckyourself... Nerometal Fuck Neronism... Cool name though

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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