What killed the dinosaurs? THE ROCKET POWERED FIST!!!

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Why did the boy drop the ice cream? Because he had a seizure.

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My Friend Philip had his lip removed today. he is just Phil now.

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics? Not being retarded.

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On Tuesday mornings at 7:32 a.m., what is the square root of 31? I don't know, because it would be an irrational number of which is not possible to calculate without the aid of a calculator. However, the date and time would not affect the answer.

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Q. What did the father say to his son? A. Nothing, he just hit him with his belt. His wife tried to intervene, but she too was hit by said belt.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs falling skydiving? Jon, because that's his name.

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar

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Why did the woman go to the kitchen? The same reason she went to the bathroom, she needed to wash her hands because she was finger painting. Her husband was using the bathroom.

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A seal walks into a club, It proceeds to maul customers and then makes its way back to the ocean where it lives.

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what is behind your butt? DEEZ NUTS

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Why is this site popular? Because people don't read the terms of service.

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why was the blonde fired from the factory? she ate the maneger's fingers.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some men like Cheese, I have aids.

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why doesn't anyone like reed? who cares, no one likes reed

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you mooma's like a bowling bowl i pick her up finger her throw her down the gutter and she still comes back for more

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What did one Stoner say to the other? "I'm hungry, let's order pizza."

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KONY 2012! *world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa* Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

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If life gives you AIDs, make lemonaids.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Bond. Bond who? James Bond. na-na NA NA na-na na

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A dyslexic man walks into a saloon and asks for a hair cut.

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A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is killing is family.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a carpet? I don't sell carpets.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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