- Anti Joke

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but I'd like to know how they got in there.

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

Q. What did the 300 pound Asian get for Valentine's day A. A jetpack. Except for the fact that the previous sentence was an obvious lie making this whole joke irrelevant.

How many girls does ittake to screw in a lightbulb? Doesnt matter as long as dinner is on the table by 6:00

how do you confuse a blond? put them in a circle room and tell them to sit in the corner

Why is Henrik so AWESOME? Cos HE just IS!!!!

Why can't Ray Charles read? Because he's Black

WHAT DO U CALL GINGERS GABRIELLA

why was the monster truck late to the rally.. because it had no driver

Roses are red, Violets are red, My house is red, I am on fire

A dog walks into a bar Because the door was open -Tag

What has 4 eyes and cant see? Mississippi

what do you call a guy called Bill? Bill

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: You were adopted.

How many baby can u fit in a cup? A: it depends how strong ur blender is How do you get them out? A: tortilla chips

y was man afaid of fire?, cuz its hot

Why did Jennifer shit herself? Because there was a black man staring through her window!

Roses are red. Violets are violet. Violet is a color already.

Hurricane Sandy should be named A-Rod. Cuz he dosent hit anything

84.52% of users disapprove of your post, plus or minus 3%.

Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an ax.

You can go out to eat without posting it on Facebook.

Your mamma's so dumb, we are seriously worried she might hurt herself.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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