Catholicism.

What did the fridge say when I opened it? Nothing.

A black guy walks into a bar. He drinks some wine and exits the bar. -Lets Go Mets, not Yankees

Why was the women not in the kitchen? Because she was probably doing something else

Why didn't the millionaire jump off the Golden Gate Bridge? He said "I don't have to commit suicide, that's for poor people" (Wyndellberg)

what can you say about a midget dressed as a clown? he had a terrible childhood.

how do you confuse a blond? put them in a circle room and tell them to sit in the corner

What do you call a mulsim that tattles on you for vandilising muslim propaganda Target Practice

your mother is so fat that she got brain damaged from cardiac arrest and now needs medical care for the rest of her life.

Three Arabian men are on a plane, they stand up, and shout BOMB, BOMB, BOMB! All three have Tourettes.

What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

What does Mr. Newell have? - Diabetes. Mr. Newell has diabetes.

Yo mama so fat, she should see a doctor to discuss healthier lifestyles.

What do you call a dear with no eyes? no eyed dear what do you call a dear with no head? dead!

Do you know the reason people like sleeping? It's because they have good dreams. Ooh la la.--

Boy, do I love chicken strips. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll take some chicken strips fresh out of the oven and rub them in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The flakey coating, smooth white meat, and warmth. Yum.

What's black, brown and red? My dog as a serial killer

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

I hated the Reading festival, i'm dyslexic. I hated it because my family died in a housefire while I was there.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

why did the chicken cross the road? because he was trying to kill himself in the fastest and easiest way due to his drinking problems, which in the first place separated him him from his wife, who is fighting with him in court for custody of there only child ,Steven. He can not even pay the rent on his apartment or hold a job to pay child support..he is also in debt.

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A man walks into the bar and ask the bartender for a shot of vodka. He drinks the vodka.

This couple is having the most passionate sex ever one night, and the guy cums before he gets a chance to pull out. He gets the woman pregnant. Now they are married.