A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

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Why are Pine trees green? Because light reflects at different wavelengths, and the chlorophyll, found in chloroplasts, being abundant in the needles of pine trees, Reflect the correct wavelength for green.

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Why are butt pirates butt pirates? Because they just ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FRUITS

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What did Helen Keller name her pet dog? dfhiwueghweigw

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What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.

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whats funner than nailing a baby to a wall, ripping it off

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Johnny walked up to his teacher one day and asked her to explain to him how babies were made. She instead whispered back to him, "Let me show you". He declined, because he wasn't prepared to be a father.

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What did the devout Catholic man say to his gay neighbours who just got married? "Congratulations!"

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What do you call a horse with no legs? Useless.

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Two octopuses are swimming in the ocean. Suddenly a scuba diver spots one of the octopus. The octopus looks at the human and swims away.

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If you were a cactus, why?

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Do you know how to forget? No. Me either, I forgot.

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How are humans like slinkies? - They are not good for very much and bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

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How Many Chickens does it take to make an egg? NOrmally 2

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Bark I'm a tree

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What did the Banana say to the Peach. Nothing, they are incapable of speaking because they are fruit.

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What's the difference between a cat and a banana? One is a cat, the other is a banana.

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Whats the difference between a phone and a mexican? You can't dial a mexican.

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You know what would be funny? If the Incredible Hulk asked Spiderman to change his diaper.

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yo mama so fat that when she jumped on her tempurpedic mattress the wine did spill

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have safe sex

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"I just don't understand the difference between yours and mines." "Well, you see, yours belong to you, whereas mines explode when you step on them."

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Interrupting Owl." "Interrupting Owl who?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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