How do you kill off a zombie apocalypse? Laser vision

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why can't Susie jump rope? Because she has no arms. Knock knock! who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the little boy get from his visit to Penn State? Raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What kind of words did the terrorist say on his date? His last ones.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Trouble with the trolley, eh? No

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into his house to see his TV is moving. He notices a black man who starts running when he enters. He then calls the police and gives a description of the man. The robber gets placed under arrest.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why are Germans good at soccer The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

how do you know when an elephant been in your refridgrator The door wont close

thumb_up thumb_down +7

a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was Helen Keller a terrible driver? She was a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mom is so old, that she should probably up her B-12 intake to avoid sickness.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know but some black man is starting up his deep-frier on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinsons..

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A black man walks into a store and grabs something off of a shelf. He walk briskly towards the door and pauses, looking sneakily left and right to make sure nobody else is around. He also looks and sees that the security camera is not facing him. Seeing as nobody is watching him, he quickly turns towards the counter beside the door and pays for the item with his own debit card, knowing that nobody can see him enter his PIN.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Intel Core Computers answer robot flavored phones at middle of june CC

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock knock. Who's there? The police. You wife was killed in an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I would have made you laugh, but that is not the point is it? Moral: What do you expect from the 4th most pointless invention?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? Michael Jackson is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

when placing the bolt in the side of the metal rememb............ shit wrong book ........................................................................

thumb_up thumb_down +5

walk into your friend’s house and say “what’s up with the dead guy out front?” (you have to murder a person for this joke to work)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the fat man eat for breakfast? Nothing, he died of heart failure in the night.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If you are swimming in a tree how many dogs does it take to crack a duck? The answer is 4 because nothing rhymes with orange

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did one stool say to the other stool? Stools don't speak!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops