Roses are red, violets are blue, if i gave a rats ass, I'd worry about you.

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So, this joke isn't funny.

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Vagina Boob

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas A bike.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer..... I'm going to rip the scalp off of your son and where it on my face to a Cherokee Sacrificial Ceremony The other lawyer was actually a lightbulb

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3 men are walking down a dirt path. One is a retired member of the US Air Force. The other of the Marines. The last one of the Navy. They are arguing about why their respective section of the military is the best. They lose track of where they're going and fall off of a cliff onto the spinning propeller of a US Coast Guard helicopter.

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Why did Billy cross the road? Because Billy wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

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A Homosexual, a platypus, and a rubber spoon walk into a bar...

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This is a story of Bobbie He was fat so he got bullied at school he did not have any friends. He ate a lot and watched the television. He was called names such as big, fat, an idiot, clumsy. But he begun to realise that if he was smart, he could become rich. So he studied hard and hard, but he did not become better at it. So he thought I want to succeed in sports, so he began exercising and was on a strict diet, but nothing changed. He was still fat and unfit. Then one day he knew that he couldn't succeed. So he asked God, what is the purpose of me living, why can't I have something, maybe a talent. God replied I'm sorry but I can't give you a talent. You have to figure it out by yourself. Then Bobbie knew what his talent was. So the following morning Bobbie went to www.anti-joke.com and began writing jokes. Octopus. Bye

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What did Grandma give little Ben for Christmas? a wheelchair

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Knock Knock? whos there? The man at the door then finds himself thinking what his last name is as he lately got amnesia

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what did the cerial killer get for christmas an electric chair

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we asked cheryl cole what she would do if it was the last day on earth she replied.. id probably spend all the time with my family. wrong cheryl youd spend your last day on earth running away from other people wanting to accomplish their last day on earth dreams

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What happens when a black man is alone the KKK appears

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A muslim walks through a medal detector before the entrance of the airport terminal. The alarm goes off and he is arrested by TSA officials, they open his jacket and find 30lbs of high explosives.

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So, I'm sitting by this guy in Science class and we're learning about fungi. So this guy is being really nice and I tell him, "Bro, you're just a FUNgi to hang around", like fun guy.

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Q: What's the difference between a child dressing as a ghost for Halloween and a real ghost? A: About a tablespoon of arsenic.

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"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "...no..?"

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Leo! Leo get over here before i abuse you. Okay, im going to my whip.

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What do you say to a black couple that just got married? Congratulations

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Do you work at subway? Because you are giving me a footlong. Yes, please, on white bread, with turkey, ham, white cheddar, and all of the vegetables. Maybe a little bit of sweet onion sauce and sub sauce. Sure, that will be a combo with chips. Thank you very much.

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What do you call man who travels on foot? a pedestrian

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How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ...get back in the kitchen, I'm hungry

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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