What do you get when you cross Jesus with James Woods? Crucifixion

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What the the newly born male dog get for his first birthday? A loss of two testicles.

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Why does Santa Clause say Ho Ho Ho? He has Tuberculosis.

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What's more fun then spinning a dead baby around on a clothesline at 50 miles an hour? Stopping it with a shovel.

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Roses are red violets are blue. Yes.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says to the man running the stand. QUACK!!!

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What do you get when you eat a bag of potatoes? The're all gone.

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Whats the difference between a black an white guy? They have different skin tones

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If you driving a jetski and the wheeles fall off how many screws does it take to fix the dog house? BLUE PAINT

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why did the man hop everywhere? He only had one leg

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What's worse than finding the Holocaust in your apple? Nothing

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive a car? Because she was a woman.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interupting doc- You have aids.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No. Well, you should, if only for the cultural experience.

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JOHN to MARY: Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet So are you MARY to JOHN: Roses are red Violets are blue Who are you? JOHN to MARY: Roses are red I'm your husband MARY to JOHN: No! JOHN to MARY: WHAT??? MARY to JOHN: Ex Awkward silence. Mary moves out the next day.

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Once upon a time there were three aliens. The first alien landed in a school,The second alien landed in a market, and the third alien landed in a preschool. When the first one landed the teacher asked the students who wants to go to the computer lab,all the students said me! me! me! and the alien learned me! me! me! When the second one landed the businessman asked him what he wanted, and he saw a toy gun and it talks and the gun said gun! gun! gun! and the alien learned it and said gun! gun! gun! Then when the third alien landed one preschooler stole another preschoolers lollipop then he said "He stole my lollipop"! And the alien learned it and said "he stole my lollipop!" Then someone got murdered and the three aliens went there and the murderer detective asked "Who killed that man!" And the first alien said me! Me! Me! "What did you kill him with!" Then the second alien said gun! gun! gun! "Why'd you kill him!" Then the third alien said "He stole my lollipop!" And that's it folks! ????????????????????????????????

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michael: How old do I look? stranger: about 68? How old are you? michael: I cant remember I have alzheimers. michael: How old do I look?

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Q; How did the blind man cross the road? A; very unsuccessfully leaving behind memories of his joys but soon forgotten smile

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Q: Who followed E.T.A Hoffman? A: ASAP Rocky. (ETA and ASAP are both time-based abbreviations, ETA meaning 'estimated time of arrival' and ASAP meaning 'as soon as possible'. Thus, ASAP can form a response to a requested ETA. Additional humour comes from the dissonant occupations of the two individuals: E.T.A Hoffman being a nineteenth century gothic author, and ASAP Rocky being a modern rapper.)

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was blind.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

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Person 1- Ask me if I am a tree Person 2- Ok, are you a tree? Person 1- Nope

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(Insert joke here)

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Why was the priest lying still? Because his son shot him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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