why did the duck swim upside-down -he was on quack

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is notified, and the duck is released into a nearby park.

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What do you call the worst band ever? Nickelback.

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A man walks into a bar with tears rolling down his cheeks. The bartender asks why are you so blue? The man says he has blue skin disorder and that everyone has been making fun of him...

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There were three soap salesmen in a bar. They were comparing how good they were at selling their wares. "I'm so good that I sell 60% of my soap bars each day," says the first salesman, bragging. The second one wasn't to be outdone. "I'm so good that I sell 80% of my soap bars," he declared. The last salesmen, who, up to the moment had been relatively quiet, suddenly said in a calm and collected manner, "Oh that's nothing. I'm so good that I sell all of my soap bars each day."

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What did the man do when he found a lost dog in his yard? He shot it. This was a very old, lonely, and distressed man with many unresolved problems resulting from his childhood in poverty.

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One night, a heartbroken magician named Jeff went to a bar. Jeff met a nice girl, and they talked and laughed together for hours. After a while, Jeff asked her, "do you want to see a magic trick?" She ate his wiener.

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How do you make a health inspector give you a good report? Throw his family into a pack of alligators.

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(To the tune of Perry the Platypus) He's a completely retarded Allosaurus of action! A purple dopey dimwit who always giggles away! He never does anything But children's songs he does sing And the little kids squeal whenever they hear him say... *i love you, you love me* He's Barney! Barney the Dinosaur!

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What do you get when lettuce and oranges come together? I dont know, thats why I asked you.

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What did the black man do when his car was rear-ended? He exchanged insurance information with the other driver.

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what did the homeless man say to the stranger? nothing, he let he let his gun do the talking

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What did the suspicious Hunchback say? I've got a hunch.

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Q: knok knok A: Im home

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Why couldn't a little kid turn around in a hall? He has a spear in his back.

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What do you call a teenager who cant add? A Total Failure

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Wh ydo i Hate you? 'COs Your a Gimp!

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My real life is like my iPad I don't have an iPad.

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If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

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what has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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What's worse then 1 bee sting? -2 Bee stings. What's worse then 2 bee stings? -The Holocaust. What's worse then the Holocaust? -3 Bee stings.

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Roses are red violets are flowers jordan and me did it for hours If you know what i mean xxx

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What happens when you finish a bottle of Sprite? You finish it

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Chuck Norris can right-click with a mac mouse

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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