knock knock whose there open the door open the door who just open the door so i can come inside

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A man walks into a bar. He proceeds to get intoxicated and then commits a felony.

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life is like a box of chocolates, it sucks if you have diabetes

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Q. Whats long and and can drip out fluids? a tap.

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What's big, white, and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator

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why cant ben cry, because i gorged his eyes out with a popsickle stick.....

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Roses are red Violets are blue Actually, no they're not. They're VIOLET. That's why they're called that. If they were blue, they would be called "Blues", or something of a similar nature. Don't be dumb.

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Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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When life gives you melons. You're not dyslexic because you can probably tell the difference between a lemon and melon because they look so different.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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How are a black man, a hispanic man, and a chinese man similar? Believe it or not they all love cantaloupe!

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What's the difference a ham and bugs bunny? -When I see a ham on the dinner table, I eat it. When I see bugs bunny on the dinner table and asks me "what's up, doc?" I stay away from sugar for a while and get tested for heroin

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You are so ugly that when u were born, your mom was unable to breast-feed you because she would have to look at your face to do so.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue.

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whats wosre than stubbing your toe? being lost on a desert island being raped

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

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What did the terminally sick child dream of? I dont know. He never woke up to tell me.

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Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

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Erron, who the hell do you work for? I thought we where friends, allies! We have not done anything illegal ever!

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What do you call a Pokemon without a trainer? A wild pokemon.

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dude... what would you do if i punched you in the face? i would pee on you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken never made it across the road because it was hit by a car with a driver who is obsessed with abusing animals.

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My mom says to me are you gay and i say are you gay (What did i just do)

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Q:Whats Brown and sticky? A:Maple Syrup

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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