Waiter. there's a fly in my soup! I apologize, I'll bring you a new one immediately.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What do Michael Jackson and a T-Rex have in common? They're both dead.

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How do you make a little boy cry? You rape his dog

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your mom is so ugly that she was made fun of in highschool so much that she now has social issues and a fear of close relationships which is why she left you and your father at age 5

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Dead babies can't paint.

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A Chinese man, an American man, and a Mexican man are sitting in an airplane. When the flight attendant comes by with food, the Chinese and American both opt for pretzels, while the Mexican prefers crackers and makes his selection accordingly. The three sit back and enjoy their snacks separately.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Roses are red...

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Why was the anti joke funny? because it wasn't funny.

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What's the difference between a Mustang and a sack of dead babies? I don't have a sack of dead babies in my garage.

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What is a black man's favorite food? It differs from person to person.

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What did the bartender say to the three-legged Irishman? What can I get you?

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Friends are like potatoes, when you eat them, they die.

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A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

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Roses are red violets are blue... Only not really. Actually light is reflected off them and these colors show up soo....

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If I give you 5 dollars, and you give me 5 dollars, then we both still have 5 dollars, which when combined will equal 10 dollars. Meaning we could buy something that cost's 10 dollars or less. But we should probably also factor in tax, so we should only buys something that costs a little over 9 dollars.

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Bob and Joe are talking about how their grandfathers died in the Hulacaust. Bob says "Mine died in the gas chambers" Joe says "Mine got drunk and fell off the guard tower.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

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What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

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What bird can lift the most? i do not know, I suggest asking an Ornithologist

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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