Why didn't the millionaire jump off the Golden Gate Bridge? He said "I don't have to commit suicide, that's for poor people" (Wyndellberg)

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Jeff has 45 candy bars. He eats 40. What does Jeff have? Diabeetus

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I like Pi. It can make circles.

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Why is Kony so mean? He used to date your mom.

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What makes boys so stupid? They like to play with girls' hearts and break them until they spew out blood all over the place.

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why did the asian wearing a sombrero buy orange juice at 2am? because hes trying to stay sober and do away with alcohol for good because its ruining his family and he wants to be a good father and husband.

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i said call 911 and they said whats the number?

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Q: What's multicoloured and spins around while screaming in agony? A: A clown in a washing machine.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? I don't know but you're a sick person even thinking about it.

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What do Mitt Romney and Barak Obama have in common? Nothing that is why they are running against each other for US President.

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What do cookies and Ruber have in common? Ones edible one is not

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Why did the girl fall off her bike? I threw a ball at her.

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Yo mamma so crazy She chloroformed a 4 year old and put her in her trunk and no one has ever heard of her since.

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What did the DVD player say when a video tape was put in? You incompatible.

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An Asian, a white man and a black man were running in a race. The Asian won and the black man came second due to his lack of training and motivation over the past couple of months.

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Need For Speed 30025 DRIVE OVER 60000 EXTREME CARS OVER 60 BILLION REAL LIFE GRAPHICS TRACKS! WHILE LISTENING TO BULLSHIT SONGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY! NO PAUSE BUTTON! EVERY CAR MUST BE UNLOCKED BY PLAYING THE SAME TRACK (Yeah music track too) OVER AND OVER AGAIN! OVER 6000000 ONLINE GAMERS AT THE SAME TIME WORLDWIDE, EACH TRACK HAS 5000000 THOUSAND LAPS SO THE FUN NEVER ENDS! UNLOCK ALL STUFF DLC: 6000 Bucks. Moral: So I have not been here since I called myself the sociopath or something, who the fuck are these Nero`s and Neronism and all that fuck? :( They almost improved my reputation! THATS HORRIBLE!

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why was the fat man excercizing? because he was a fatass and no one liked him

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What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

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Why did the black man fall off the building? The building was one of the twin towers and the event 9/11 was currently happening and he saw one of the planes coming at him so he decided to jump to his misery instead because he thought it will hurt less, also he thought that if he waited for the plane to hit him there is a possibility that one of the wings may hit him right on the neck and his head will get chopped off and he wanted to die with his body completely attached.

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I hated the Reading festival, i'm dyslexic. I hated it because my family died in a housefire while I was there.

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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Why can't the Mexican float? He never learned the proper technique as he was not allowed to take swim class.

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If Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee got in a fight, who would win? Chuck Norris, since Bruce Lee is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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