Police Officer: Please step out of the car, sir Jimmy: Xbox...

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did people on a plane die? Because it crashed.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

"Want to hear something ironic?" ...he said to the deaf man.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's the difference between a Jew and a Generator? One powers your house...and then there's the generator.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and broke its head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be very mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I am white, you are black, we can be friends, racism was abolished.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Roses are red, and violets are freakin violet. Not blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Pi pi pi pi Pi pi pi pi Pingu Pingu!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why was the little kid sad at a funeral. He was actually happy and he was at six flags

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you get a one armed Pollack out of a tree? Hold his family at gunpoint.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What is the difference between a rock and a pencil? Your Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A boy walks into a bar. Because he was under-age, security kicked him out as soon as possible and alerted his parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What is a black person's favorite food? It varies from person to person, just as with any race.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man invites his Irish friend to his house. "Would you like something to drink?" the man asks. "Just kidding, we don't have any drinks." Later, they die of dehydration.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the girl get robbed? Because her door was unlocked.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

what did the blind, deaf, retarded child, without any arms or legs get for Christmas? nothing, his parents are dead

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash and the other one is a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's black and is as fast as a car? A black car.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know. Chickens are incapable of communicating with humans and thus the intent of the chicken is subject to speculation.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What happened when the dinosaur walked into a lake? It got wet

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops