What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews undergo metabolism, maintain homeostasis, possess a capacity to grow, respond to stimuli, reproduce and, through natural selection, adapt to their environment in successive generations. More complex living organisms can communicate through various means.[1][5] A diverse array of living organisms (life forms) can be found in the biosphere on Earth, and the properties common to these organisms—plants, animals, fungi, protists, archaea, and bacteria—are a carbon- and water-based cellular form with complex organization and heritable genetic information. Pizza does not.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

There are 2 carrots sitting in a basket. One carrot says to the other; I'm a carrot! The other carrot does not reply, because carrots do not speak. Now consider the possibility, that the first carrot was a talking monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust. Guys holocaust jokes aren't funny Anne-Frankly, I do nazi the point in them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasnt that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why the monkey fall out the tree? Cause he was dead!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q:Wy could't lily sleep at night? A: Becasue her eays were stappeld open.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Yo mama is so fat, we are all concerned about her weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Sorry I am like so fucking wasted still, I keep giggling and laughing all of the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A black guy, a white guy, and an Asian guy walk into a library. They were getting help from the Asian guy on their math homework.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How will Jesse die? His mom doesnt have any food left (or money) so she eats him, and then jesse's fat little brother farts on his obese corpse

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What noise annoys a noisy oyster? Hispanics with their loud car stereos.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a scottish drunk? a taxi

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the woman scream when she saw her brother? Because he had just come back from fighting in the Iraq war and she was extremely happy to see that he's alright

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what's worst then having no internet access for a year? having no facebook notifications when you finally do

thumb_up thumb_down -14

if life hands u melons, make melonade.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Who did the man call when his house was on fire? He called his mother as the firefighters put out the fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the blind and deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

how did the man with just a head hide the fact that he murdered someone? im not sure but this seems highly untrue as someone could not kill someone with just their head.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks into a bar. On impact, he suffers quite the blow to his head, resulting in him falling unconscious. He is escorted to the hospital, where he is pronounced in a coma on arrival. His family is left devastated. His wife, who was a stay-at-home mother to their 2 children doesn't take this news very well and is sent into a spiraling depression. 16 years later, the man finally wakes from his coma to find that his son and daughter that he had left behind where now grown teenagers and almost done with high school, his wife's has remarried and given birth to his half-child. This is why you don't text while walking down a sidewalk.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did Martian Luther King climb the mountain? Because there was a KFC on top

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops