The man says to the doctor "Sir, I have contracted a terrible headache." The doctor replies back, "Yes you do."

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whats worst then being raped tortured and killed? it happening to 500000 puppies DX

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? You poke-er--face....pokerface.

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A duck walks into a bar.... Duck: Can I have a glass of water? Bartender: How would you like to pay for it? Duck: Put it on my bill

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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Jimmy tells his mom he wants to be a Firefighter when he grows up to which the mother replies, "You can't Jimmy, you have leukemia."

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Whats worse than the Holocaust. A worm in your apple.

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KONY 2012! *world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa* Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

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What do you do in a one night stand? Stand all night long.

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Knock Knock Who's there? I am I am who? I am here to see you

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The Big Bang. -BG_Shank_A

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What is green and looks like a blue car? A Green car

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I took a vampire out for dinner last night. I expected her to cringe when I ordered a rare steak, but we decided not to let my tastes impact on the evening, sharing wine and many stories before heading back to my apartment.

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What's orange and not an orange? An orange.

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This is on of those few moments where my guts and attitude leave me feeling as if the entire world is against me... ...Then I cant help but to smirk and think... The world against me? Finally a worthy challenge... Such a great day... Nero because fuck morals: Friends and not so friends do not call me Black Metal because I listen to power rock, my mother high on drugs attacked my wife claiming she was Satan, I killed my angel dust empowered mother, felt as if the world was against me... ...Such a great day... "I killed my father too but you dont hear me whining about it!" And of course... ...Rest in pieces oh "dear" mother", at least you did one good thing, you gave birth to your undertaker, while I killed you to end my lifelong misery, My only regret is ending yours... Now I request you all think I am a monster and pretend we live in a world where all parents are nice and good... You already deluded yourself? Perhaps you should thumb me up instead then.

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Why did the gambler sell his house? Because he needed money to pay for male hookers.

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What's better than a gold brick? 2 gold bricks.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Gestapo. Gestapo who? Your husband is dead.

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A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why do you have a wheel in your pants?"

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What's more easier to break than a thin stick? A woman's neck.

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2 drunk men walk out of a bar, they see a dog on the corner licking himself. One drunk says "man, I wish I could do that" The other drunk says "you might want to pet him first"

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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why did the black man get kicked out of the hospital? nothing was wrong with him.

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There was 2 men walking down the street one fell on the floor from a heart attack and the other started to molest a lonely child. They then heard a bang and they found a dead baby lying in a bin. The moral of this story is to.... Knock Knock Whos there? The Police? The Police who? The police we are here to inform you your nan got hit by a truck and got decapitaited, Sorry but your nan is dead. way

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops