how do you spend all your money you go buy stuff

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roses are blue violets are red i messed up so f... this s..t

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Why did Jessy crawl to her bed? Because she has no legs.

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What is worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings What is worse than 2 bee stings? The Holocaust What is worse than the Holocaust? 3 bee stings

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How many dead babies will fit in a bathtub? Seventeen

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What did the man say to the cat. ~It doesn't matter it impossible for 2 Species to Communicate between one another.

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Roses are red Violets are purple, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms and she was blind.

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In soviet russia, roses are violet

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gays house! knock knock who's there? The chicken!

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How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well thats a stupid question, just one.

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Where do cows go when they're bored? Wherever they're standing. Cows cannot use toilets, regardless of their mood.

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how do u get a blonde to stay away from her credit card... i dont know im blonde

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How much cocain did Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill 2 and a half men

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What's got one leg and no eyes? A leg.

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roses are red violets are microwaves i have amnesia what ma name iiizzz 'SHAWTAY

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Whats brown and sticky? ..Poo

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a sabertooth walks into a club. the caveman set his trap perfectly.

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Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they work hard at it

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Why did Billy cross the road? Because Billy wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

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What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

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A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

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an englishman,scotsman,and irishman walk into a bar the englishman says " a pint of lager please" "that will be 10pounds , says the barman "Im not paying that , ill see you in court" says the englishman . The same thing happens , in turn to the scotsman, and irishman ,and a summons is issued. In court the jugde says "why are you charging drinks too dear?" the barman says "im not, im selling them to a englishman ,scotsman, and a irishman..

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Aww Eliza, thanks for being around in spirit, dont leave yet, I am kinda having breathing problems, and Alice says my something levels are dropping because I need solid food, please dont leave, I cant tell time even with a watch, but would you mind waiting a bit? Ill eat fast, somehow.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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