a 10 year old walks into a bar and orders a beer, he is then escorted out because you are not aloud to be under 21 one years old to be in a bar.

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How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

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Three men walked into a bar the other one ducked. SI

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What did the farmer that lost his tractor say? Wheres my tractor?

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knock knock, Whos there ? ( runs away ) trololololololololol

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Why does Billy Mays yell? He doesn't, he's dead.

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What's clear, glass-like, and makes your brain feel like it's exploding just by smelling it? Crystal Meth

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what's a fish with no eyes and out of water? its just a fish

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If a blonde and a brunette are both falling out of a building, which one will hit the ground first? The brunette, she jumped first.

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what do you call a jew hanging from a tree? dead

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Q. How many Jews can you fit in a blender ? A. 37 but you can try and prove me wrong

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yo mama is so fat that wii fit puts her in the overweight category

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What has 4 eyes and cant see? Mississippi

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What's black, blue, and red all over? A baby after I kill it

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What's the difference between a horse and a gorilla? Their penis size. Horses have relatively large penises, while gorillas are known to have the smallest penises proportional to their body size.

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What do you call a girl who can run faster than me? Virgin

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How many dinosaurs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if you're talking about T. Rexes, you can forget about it! Their arms are too short to do anything! They can't even beat off!

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Q: What's the difference between between basketballs and babies? A: I don't shoot basketballs.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one and it is politically incorrect to assume otherwise.

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koala's try to hit on teddy bears...... desperate even though we know extinction's comin

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he wanted to prove he wasn't chicken

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Knock knock! Why didn't you use the doorbell?

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An Arabic Muslim is on a plane. He's flying to Chicago.

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84.52% of users disapprove of your post, plus or minus 3%.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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