What's worse than getting a flat tire on a date? getting one while rushing your dying grandfather to the hospital.

There are two fish in a tank. They both die, tanks are used for warfare.

What do you call a needy person? A person whos needs need needs.

This is Heading 1

roses are red violets are blue you little stupid a*s b**ch i aint f***ing with you

How did Jimmy get into the R movie? He bought a ticket.

Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Richard.

What is a dog's favorite color? None,dogs have colorblindness.

a man walks into a bar and it hurts

What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

how could you not hav not died of dehyderation?

When do you know when to stop making anti- jokes? when your done with your joke and click submit.

A pirate walks out of a bar. He drowns in a puddle.

I dont have a girlfriend

Why do women go to the bathroom together? To clean their filthy pussies.

why didn't the bully beat up the nerds? His mom got arrested for molestation and his dad got sent to Afganistan so he was too depressed to beat them up.

what long green and bumpy? a pickle

I bet you read this. Told ya.

Knock knock Who's there? Jesus Jesus who? Jesus Christ, your lord and savior.

What do you call a white hankerchief dipped into the red sea? Wet.

An American and Russian are arguing about their country. The American says "I can do things you can't. I can walk into the White House and into the Oval Office. I can bang my hands on my President's desk and say "Mr. Obama, I don't like the way you're running your country." The Russian says, "I can do that." The American says, "No, you can't." The Russian says, "Sure I can. I can go to Vladimir Putin's office and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Mr. Obama's running his country."

How many pieces of gum are in 5 gum? 5. i meen 7

What’s worse than being ruled by Adolf Hitler? Being ruled by Joseph Stalin.

tommy is retared