How do you wake Lady Gaga up? You poke-er--face....pokerface.

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I got a boner from the waitress touching my shoulder, please dislike this

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Friends are like lettuce; If you eat their head, they die

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Tiger woods is a famous golf player and Santa is a fictional old man dressed in red and white who is said to live in Lapland, have an airborne sleigh driven by eight magical reindeer and come down the chimney to fill childrens' stockings on Christmas eve.

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How come Billy can only swim in circles? His right arm and right leg were amputated because he scraped his left arm.

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Why did the little boy stop looking for his ball? Because he found it.

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Did you hear that the actress, Reese what's-her-name, got stabbed to death? Witherspoon? No, with a knife.

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Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: "There goes my income. I dont know how I'll support my family now, or keep my crops alive."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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waiter! waiter! theres a fly in my soup! the waiter immediately retrieved a new soup and gave them a 50% discount for the misshap.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

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How much cocain did Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill 2 and a half men

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Why didn't the hispanic muslim woman vote for Donald Trump in the 2016 primaries? Because she lives in Connecticut where the primaries have not yet taken place.

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What happened to the woman who walked down a dark alley way? She found a lolly.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why is there such a big box because there is some writing down here :)

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Aww Eliza, thanks for being around in spirit, dont leave yet, I am kinda having breathing problems, and Alice says my something levels are dropping because I need solid food, please dont leave, I cant tell time even with a watch, but would you mind waiting a bit? Ill eat fast, somehow.

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an englishman,scotsman,and irishman walk into a bar the englishman says " a pint of lager please" "that will be 10pounds , says the barman "Im not paying that , ill see you in court" says the englishman . The same thing happens , in turn to the scotsman, and irishman ,and a summons is issued. In court the jugde says "why are you charging drinks too dear?" the barman says "im not, im selling them to a englishman ,scotsman, and a irishman..

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Myth: Everyone but redheads has a soul. Fact: No one has a soul.

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What starts with F and ends in U C K? firetruck What starts with P and ends in O R N? popcorn What only costs 5 cents on weekends? your mom

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What do you do on Mother's Day? This is not a joke, I don't know what to do.

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What's black, white and red and can't turn round in corridors? A nun with a spear through her head

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Why did the white bartender kick out a black man and his Mexican friend out of the bar? It was closing time

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Q:What would strawberry short cake never say? A: Very

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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