HOLY SHIT, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know chickens are absent minded creatures that can aimlessly walk around.

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What is green, brown, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on you from out of a tree? A pool table

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why did the chicken cross the road? to prove he could. Did it workout? NO

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How do you get 100 Africans in a phone box? Throw a can of beans in there.

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My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. (Submitted by Aidan)

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what do a carrot and an elephant have in common? theyre both orange except for the elephant.

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What is more black than a Nigerian marathon runner? The night sky

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A platypus walks into a bar, and was the only mammal in the building capable of laying an egg.

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Why can't you tell jokes in Base 8? Because 7, 10, 11

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor

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Why did the whale rape a guy? He wanted to see what would happen.

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One time at band camp.............that's it........

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Why is Kony so mean? He used to date your mom.

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What did Helen Keller say when she got raped? Stop raping me.

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Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey – his purse is what restrains him

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do you wanna hear a joke school

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When life gives you ponies... get a new life!

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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What's brown and sticky? A Stick!

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What's the difference between a cow and a cow? Nothing, they are both the same.

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What does a black man love more than anything? His family you racist c u n t.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange Who? Oranges are very good for you and enriched with vitamin C that is apparently good to intake when you are experiencing cold/flu like symptoms during the winter season and your doctor won't give you medication because you aren't sick enough and you already ask for medication to much because you think you are always sick with something. That's what happens when you're a hypochondriac.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops