Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Juan cross the border into America? To provide a better opportunity for him and his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I am pleased and honored to hear you speak that beautifully straight from your heart Nero, you are without equal, unmatched. And he who is unmatched, also stands alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Is a tomato a vegetable? Depends if it is comatose.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did danielle drop her ice cream cone? Because she was diabetic and had a blood sugar of 5.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

In Soviet Russia a lot of people were killed for voicing their opinion against Stalin

thumb_up thumb_down -16

And the guy who played Trapper John on MASH wins the coveted 'Last Famous TV Person to Die in 2015' award!!! Woooooooo!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you make an electrician fall over? You hit him hard with a lamp

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? The farmer left his fence open and the chicken happened to cross a road.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How long did it take the man to swim the Atlantic? I don't know. Everybody stopped counting after a while and went on with their lives. His body was never found.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

a 10 year old walks into a bar and orders a beer, he is then escorted out because you are not aloud to be under 21 one years old to be in a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Imagine a scenario Add a Rhubarb Crumble into your scenario Add your mother and father sitting together watching the news in your scenario. Your scenario should take place in an old people's home Add an Olympic athlete doing the splits into your scenario If there were any crane-flies in your scenario, be sure to subtract them at once. Divide your scenario by two. Your scenario should now be a mental image of flying horses and a hippopotamus eating a large salmon mousse. There will be a pig tied to a pair of sunglasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was the girl sad on her Birthday? She found out she was adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Although I guess there is probably no way to get on the swing with no arms unless there was another person there to aid you in the process, and that is highly unlikely because nobody wants to hang out with a girl with no arms. Still even if Suzie was helped on to the swing she wouldn't be able to swing because of her lack of arms. Maybe that person who helped her on pushed the swing with her on it bearing in mind she has no arms. In that case Suzie should stop hanging out with that person because they are very sadistic to deliberately shove a girl with no arms off a swing.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was the black guy charged for murder? He killed his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What doesn't kill you makes you injured

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Knock knock whos there? Underware Underware who? I underware my friends are

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's big, hard, in the water, and isolated? Shutter Island

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why is it irrelevant whether someone is a twat or not? Love your neighbour.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You Mom is so ugly, It makes sense why you always have that look on your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How did the blond become a pilot? By attending flight school, graduating, applying to an airline to which she subsequently was hired to, taking frequent training courses, and beginning work.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How are you doing today? I'm fine...Except for the rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops