A car walked into a bar... wait no it didn't it has wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the audience walk out of the movie? Because it had just finished.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the easiest way to load dead babies into a tractor trailer? Pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red. Violets are red. Your garden's on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your dad is so fat, that eventually he got on Biggest Loser and ended living a very successful life.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Two apples are hanging from a tree. They are both picked, sold, taken home, washed, and enjoyed by a family of three.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: What is the leading cause of pedophilia? A: Sexy children.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How did Mario finally defeat Bowser? He took Steriods

thumb_up thumb_down -14

"Guess what I was doing in my room last night with the door closed with my hand?" "Please don't say what I think you're going to say" "What? I was just cleaning my room."

thumb_up thumb_down -14

how do you beat the system? throw your xbox out a window.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Yo momma so fat, she's in the hospital dying of morbid obesity. Sorry man.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Yo mama's so poor, she doesn't have a lot of money.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

And Stephen Hawking said.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

If chuck noris has five dollars and you have five dollars, he has more money than you. He forgot about the extra dollar in his back pocket

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How high is a Chinaman

thumb_up thumb_down -14

An alien, a midget, and a Jew walk into a bar... I forget the rest but your mom's a whore

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Mr. Moseley choose to not buy crest toothpaste this month? Because your daughter got an abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock Knock Who's there? It's the Mortgage company. You haven't payed your loans. The man loses his house and becomes homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: A plane crashes on the boarder of Mexico and America, where do you bury the survivors. A: You don't because there were none, everyone fucking died!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why didn't the tv turn on? It wasn't plugged in

thumb_up thumb_down -14

DO NOT CONTACT THE ONES THAT LEFT! I REPEAT DO NOT CONTACT THE NEWCOMERS THAT LEFT! Nero7 was not the only one that became suspicious when we suddenly found thousands upon thousands of new potential members more than willing to join us, many of not most of them, before even learning any essential details about our purpose! While many morons and idiots assumed that Neronism was becoming popular, we all fucking know that we have done everything to keep this all hidden! And then suddenly everything from wealthy people to politicians arrive? No way! Nero7 is with us, and while we have thanks to the hidden camera`s he insisted we install about everywhere except under the goddamn toilet bowls, we have concluded that these people all have similar racial traits, and all speak the same language. Nero7 is barely conscious due to fever, but he keeps pointing at the screen and shouting Russian Spetznas! If this is true, (and to us it sounds Russian and they are obviously very coordinated and no simple grunts) Then we are all screwed... I mean from Nero7`s feverish ramblings and and his database, we can only assume that this is some sort of rogue sub department, of a smaller force than we first assumed, but these guys consist first and foremost of specialized soldiers and hackers... We are scrambling for ideas, exit strategies, while doing our best to get Nero7 out of here, he suggests we question the mercenary that assaulted him which is in prison. I fear we might have to break our ethics and code of honor among many things here, but getting that mercenary out and... Somehow getting answers from him, might be our last hope. Listen "Eliza" if any of you got any Intel at your position, let us know, we are well hidden considering these men that have taken over most of what we can at this point say Was the order, at least the one we knew... Listen, if you got any Intel from your position, let us know, and damn it if these bastards begin killing people, any of you for that matter... ...At this rate the order will end up exposed, and remembered as some terrorist mindwashing religious cult... If you have anything, even ideas, share them with us, damn... All these years with efforts, creating a system of our own... Never hurting a damn fly, it seems like it is all going to end with most of our members getting recruited by a handful of specialized Russians or killed...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock knock. Who's there? Doctor Doctor Who? Doctor Brown, I have your test results, you've HIV positive.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops