- Anti Joke

Q: what do you call a man that see's a unicorn A: hallucinating

Yeah, me too. The car just ran straight through the stoplight and it was all over...

People Order Our Patties

How do you stop the baby from touching the stove? Cut of its arms.

How can you finally get your girlfriend to scream in the bedroom? Store the bodies there.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a piece of pizza? Because the pizza was on fire.

A family goes to a talent agency and performs an act. They call themselves the aristocrats

why did the chicken cross the road? he didn't make it

'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

How did the man get arested? For doing something leagle.

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Hey are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease?? the other cow says "Nah, not at all mate...!" "Why Not?" says the cow "Because I'm a CHICKEN!"

What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

Is it possible to mix an answer to a question with another? No. Aids are perfect for fear training.

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

What did your mom make me for Christmas... ...An apple pie because she is a very nice lady

How do you make a basketball team short You cut off their legs

Canadians

Why are you late? Sorry, I would have been here sooner, only I wasn't.

Did you here about the guy who got his right leg and right arm cut off? I made him up but he would make one good anti-joke.

A man walks into a bar. He suffered concussions later that night.

Moral"We all miss someone sometimes during our life, but just remain patient as you aim again, reload and hit that someone!"

what do call a purple animal that eats rocks? A purple rock eater..

What do men and women have in common? no really what do they have in common

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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