How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them

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Why was the man hanging from a tree? He got the Death Penalty

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A boy plays in his garden. Then he fall and his knee hurts a lot, but he doesn't cry. Do you know why? Because he's dead.

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What's worse than carrying a heavy suitcase? Poisoning children.

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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A Priest, a Rabbi and an Imam were having dinner together at a local restaurant. Which caused a group of Republicans sitting nearby to ask for another table.

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Hey, did you guys hear what happened the Steve Jobs? He died.

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What happened when the old woman crossed the road? A completely unrelated archery accident lead to the deaths of several people and thousands of dollars of property damage in another part of the country. The woman crossed without injury.

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A blond walks into an electronics store. Then she promptly walks out, as she got the wrong store.

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What do You call a man with no arms or legs? Dead, He died of blood loss 3 hours ago

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Q: Why was jimmy's mom crying? A: Because her doctor said their were going to get rid of he cancer, 5 minutes later hey came back in and told her that he had made a mistake and that was for someone else, she was actually only had a month to live.

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? ...hey, it's kinda fun to type tootsie... ...tootsie tootsie tootsie...

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What do you call a donkey on Christmas? a donkey.

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Steve buys 60 watermelons.. What does he have? A lot of watermelons.

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why did the window washer lose his job. because he fell off and died.

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Four turtles once fell into nuclear waste. They remained unnoticed and later died from exposure to radiation.

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What's the difference between a bird and a wheel? They both fly, I lied about the wheel.

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your mothers so fat...... shes borderline diabetic.

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How can you tell the difference between a black man and a white man? Quite easily actually.

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Knock, Knock.. Whose there? Its the Census Man!!

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Whats the diffetance between a river and a waterfall? One is vertical!??

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Q: Why did the kid cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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