- Anti Joke

Your mom is so stupid she makes stupid people look not stupid.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? It depends on how big the room is and, to a lesser extent, how wide the strips of wallpaper are. Also factor in variables such as ambient humidity.

Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

What is black and white and red all over? A skunk in a blender.

Ginger woodpecker throbbing in the moonlight

Two men walk into a bar. The first man says, "I'm Japanese!" The second man says, "I'm Japanese too!" The bartender says, "I'm also Japanese!" The bar was in Japan.

Knock, knock. Whose there? Me. Leave.

An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

Why did the chicken die? He tried to cross a road by an alleyway, therefore getting hit by a double decker bus and the alleyway has nothing to do with it. Also, the chicken had one leg and was blind.

A green-painted man walked into a bar and confused a blonde, bar-tending horse with a tale of rape in the holocaust involving an amputee child riding a fridge on a plane with a pig, a duck, a chicken, a lawyer and countless men of various ethnicities, religious faiths and sexual persuasions. Together, they changed a lightbulb, ate wormy apples and agreed upon the colour of roses and violets respectively.

"Lady's and Gentlemen, hobos and trams Cross side mosquitoes and bald legged ants Pull up a chair and sit on the floor and I'll tell you I've never heard before Of one bright day in the middle of night Two dead boys got up to fight Back to Back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise Came and killed the two dead boys If you don't believe this lie is true Ask the blind man he saw it too"

What's worse than having to tie one of your shoelaces after walking 5 miles? Getting a 56 year old mixture of blood, urine and sperm injected in your asshole.

What happened after the lawer jumped off the bridge? His family mourned his loss for years.

An African-American man calls KFC. An employee answers. "Thank you for calling KFC." The man replies, "I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number."

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance cocvered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being deined coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be covered." The man snaps his fingers and says "Damn! I should've voted Democrat!"

A man is driving down a back country road in an old beat up car going 30 mph when he notices a black horse and a white horse keeping pace with him. They keep up with him for a few miles before passing him and turning into a farm on the road. The man is quite impressed with the horses speed and follows them to the farmer and offers the farmer living there the horses in exchange for the car. The farmer says the horses are bad luck but accepts the trade, and the man walks off with the horses. The man then enters the horses in a big horse race and puts a lot of money on them. The horses immediately take the lead and are about to finish the race when the black horse trips and the white horse goes back to pick him up and end up losing. The man is furious and returns the horses to the farmer and gets his car back. The next day another man is driving in a nicer car down the same road going 50 mph when the black horse and the white horse run right past his car. Impressed with the horses speed the man trades his car to the farmer who warns him about the horses. Ignoring the farmer's warning the man enters the horses in a new race. The horses once again take the lead and are close to finishing first and second when the black horse trips and the white horse goes and picks him up again once again losing their lead. The man angrily returns the horses in exchange for his car. The next day a third man drives down the same road in a brand new sports car. While he's testing the limits of the car the horses catch up to him and run with him. Surprised by the speed of the horses the man speeds up in his car but the horses manage to keep up. The horses eventually run past the man and turn into their farm, and the man looks down and realizes that the horses had been running faster than 120 mph. The man goes to the farmer and offers his car in exchange for the horses. The farmer accepts but gives the man the same warning he gave the two men earlier. The new man just like the other two men ignores the warning and enters the horses into a race and bets a lot of money on them. This time the horse take the lead out of the gate but feet from the finish line the white horse trips and falls. The black horse seeing this goes back and helps him up once again losing the race. The man is disgusted and releases the horses into the city in hopes that they'll die out there. The two horses are wander into a bar, and the bartender looks at them and says: "hey you two why the long face?"

Why did the bartender refuse to let the black man in ? Because the bar was about to close.

Mitt Romney

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get KFC... Because hes a canibal!

What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

Roses are gray Violets are gray Pansies are gray Daffodils are gray I am a dog :)

Your Mom

knock knock who's there boo boo who why are you crying it's just a joke

How many licks does it take to get to center of a tootsie pop? pickles, 7:00 pm, wood, shoulder pain

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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