What did the clam say to the scuba diver? FUCK MAN! STOP TOUCHING MY JEWELS! WOULD YOU WANT ME TO JUST RIP YOURS AND TAKE THEM WITH ME!

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There are four worms moving in a straight line, one in front of the other. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied.

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How do you make someone sad? Tell them they have cancer

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Whats has no comedic value? A brick

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I have Alzheimer's Hey i just met you

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How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 69

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What's flying and eats rocks? A flying rock eater

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Me. You who? Me.

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You know what's catchy? A cold

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a room? A: Depends on how hard you can throw.

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Yo mamas so fat when she was standing on a scale a girl walked by and said hey thats my phone number! Yo mamas so fat she broke the family tree!

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Once there was a ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, everyone died. The end

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What has four legs, yet it can't walk? A dead horse.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A bike.

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What has four legs, but cannot walk? A giraffe with polio.

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Why was the man eaten by a tiger? Because tigers are carnivores, but why are they carnivores? Because they eat meat.

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A woman went outside for some fresh air.

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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Why are all black people fast? because all the slow ones are in jail.

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Roses are grey Violets are gray Tulips are grey Lilly's are grey Dandelions are grey Daisy's are grey Daffodils are grey I am colour blind.

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A giraffe walks into a bar.... just kidding, a giraffe wouldnt fit in a bar.

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Q. How are a bird and a turtle alike? A. They both fly. Except the turtle.

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What did the little girl with cancer get for Christmas? Chemotherapy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops