What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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Those last 4 were by: Walter

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there was a rich kid strolling in the woods.he saw a bear, HE DIED

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why can you punish cows but not fish? Because you can ground beef, but not fish!

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more chocolate?

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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Whats the similairity between a dog and a cat? They're both cats, except for the dog.

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Two peanuts walked into a bar one was as'salted'

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I got a new jacket. The jacket had real cotton inside the sleeves. The next day my new jacket was gone, but the one i bought yesterday wasn't.

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What's good? Anything that is not bad.

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hi anti joke

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What did the cashier say to the blonde? That will be $5.39, would you like a receipt?

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzie.

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Pain Olympics.

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A- knock knock B- whose there? A- Chuck Norris B- chuck norris who? A- are you retarded?

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yo mamas so fat that when she wears a bathing suit people go "wow, that women is fat"

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A planes crashes on the US-Canada border. The survivors are promptly taken to a hospital nearby to be treated for their injuries.

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What did Helen Keller say when she fell into a well? Nothing. She died upon impact and her family mourned her death for years.

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Netflix and chill

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It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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What did the man say when he was having sex with his wife? That feels quite good.

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i keep getting thumbs down...

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A man sees the most beautiful woman he's ever seen on the street. He takes her into a dark alley and r.apes her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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