One day, a mother was speaking with her daughters. "Mommy," the first one said, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we brought you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second daughter said, "Why did you name me Rose?" ""Because when we brought you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMBWWAAAAGGGH!" the last daughter cried. She was born with severe special needs and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A bear walks into a bar, and says "I would like a pint of..........beer." The bar tender asked "why the long pause?" The bear replies "I think I just had a stroke."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red Violets are blue I don't like rhymes Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Kyle is consistently sexually harassed by a woman while at work. Everything is fine.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the farmer's wife leave the farm? Because she was a lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A Rabbi walks into a bar. He payed for his drinks, tipped the bar tender, drank a few too many so he got a cab home.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

how did i know i had a new puppy?...... i found out when i was scraping it off my truck tire

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A niggarette

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a WAFFLE!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man calls his wife, but she doesn't pick up. He comes home and shouts his wife's name, but no one responds. He walks upstairs and sees the bedroom door half-opened. He enters and sees his wife sleeping.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

how do you make holy water? you burn the hell out of it

thumb_up thumb_down +10

*Knock Knock* Who's there? Abbott! Abbott who? Abbott time you answered the door! The door was never answered because they did not know the person at the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

three friends are chilling one day and they all think they belong in Guinness book of world records the first guys says i believe i have the smallest arms in the world, the second guy says i believe i have the smallest nose in the world and the third guy says i hate to admit it but i believe i have the smallest dick in the world. So they all go down to Guinness book of world records inc. and the first guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST ARMS IN THE WORLD" the second guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST NOSE IN THE WORLD" the third guy comes out all depressed and mad and says "WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the little girl stop licking her Popsicle? A psychopath cut off her tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the boy laughing? Because

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you, but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl empty and so is your head.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: how do you get a live elephant into a refrigerator? A: you buy an industrial sized refrigerator and then walk the elephant slowly but surely through the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did John say to Tim Hi I'm John

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a billionaire who lost a large portion of their net worth? A millionaire.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

whats difference between womens rights now and 10 years ago? nothing, they are both just lies men tell women to make them feel good.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get back up? She had no legs. Why couldn't she see? The sun was in her eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Birdie Birdie in the Sky, Left a message in my eye ... So I shot the little bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the overweight blind kid get for Christmas? His parents died in a tragic car crash and he was left alone, fat and blind to fend for himself

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops