A man walks into a bar, he is then escorted to the hospital as a result of brain trauma.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A man and his friend are talking. The man says, "You know what's funny? Sometimes you mean to say one thing and you say a completely different thing. Like the other day I wanted to buy a ticket to pittsburgh, but the lady I was buying it from had very large breasts, so I accidentally said 'Can I have a picket to titsburgh?'" And the other guy says, "Yeah, man, it's really funny you say that, the other day I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt, and I said 'you whore, you ruined my life'"

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What did the over-baring Chinese couple say to their son who got an A- in algebra? How do I know? I don't speak Chinese!

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how many pancakes does it take to get fat if u answered this question your already fat

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If you are on this site, you have a shitty life. It is even shittier if you read this.

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Where do five gay guys walk? Where ever they choose to. this is a free country, where people are free to travel as they please, despite what their sexual orientation may be. Jerk.

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what's worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding an apple in your pet worm.

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What's upside down? umop apisdn

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An atheist dies and so will we all, eventually.

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Who invented the Iceberg Salad? The Titanic

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So a 12 year old suicide bomber walks in to a military base and kills 31 soldiers. It happened. Look it up.

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Where are you going Your house

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what's a self-driving car 10 years from now? probably just "a car".

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So when I came home from work the other day, I saw tha my dog was foaming at the moth, so I took him to the vet It turns out that my dog didn't have a thing for marshmallows but had rabies instead and was promptly put down.

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Q: What's that white, sticky stuff on your mom? A: Glue

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Why do leprechauns laugh when they run through the grass? Because it tickles their nuts.

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A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

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Why the chimp fell off the tree? Because it's dead.

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hey John will you make some copies

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Q.why'd the monkey fall out of the tree A. because he was dead.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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yo mamas like a chicken hut all the cock* fly in

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What's the best thing about twenty three year olds? There's twenty of them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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