what did one farmer say to the other farmer we are farmers

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? She had previously been in a car accident, in which all of her close family died and she was the only survivor. Since both her arms were stuck in between crushed components of the car, they had to be amputated on the spot. She was testing out the prosthetic arms she had been given when they failed, causing her to get a concussion, and putting her in a coma for the rest of her life.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

68

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is a registered sex offender.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

That other group is a *********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** From Jackson Edwards

thumb_up thumb_down +7

a black man jumps in a pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Three a man is trapped on a desert island and a genie offers to grant him one wish. The man accepts the existence of the genie and then wishes for unlimited wishes for the rest of his life. The man takes over the world.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

am i invited to party? no

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they got married and lived happy together for the rest of their lifes.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks into a bar... ouch. He received a minor concussion from the impact of the cement wall, and a slight goose egg on his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what did the 35 year old man say when he walked in his home last night? Nothing, he started crying because he saw that someone had viciously killed his guinea pig.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Why did the girl pee her pants? She was only 1 month old...

thumb_up thumb_down -165

What do you call thousands of people starving all across the globe? Not my problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Why did the postal worker go to work? Because he has to support his family so they do not starve like his dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A theif walks into a blonde ladies apartment. The theif takes all of her valuable belongings, leaving her life in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Lol, listen, the suggestion lies in the "not not", you are using not twice in your mind, which under trance makes it so your subconcious registers that you are using a double negative while you consciously do not. Look back at the messages and register consciously that you and I have been using "not not" twice during the past messages, when the net shuts down here, you reinforce the "I will totally notnot, tell him" so the suggestion just gets stronger.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How are a bucket and a purple shovel alike? Coincidentally they both are registered sex offenders.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: If I have 13 icecubes, and you have 12 icecubes, how many pancakes can I fit on the roof? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man took his son out to play catch. The boy didn't even try to catch the ball. After that the man took his son to the amusement park to have fun. The boy didn't even try to have fun. Then the man took his son to the burger place nearby. Once again the son didn't even touch his food. Finally the man lost his temper and beat his seemingly ungrateful son and cried over the fact that his son was mentally retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops