What do accountants do when they're constipated? Take a laxative and eat plenty of fiber.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Who needs god when coffee is cheaper

thumb_up thumb_down -1

chirs

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Want to hear the funniest joke in the world? I forget how it goes but it ends with the abolishment of slavery.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Polly went out for a fag. Then she was raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

SCENE: A prirate walks into a bar with the wheel of the ship attached to his pants. BARTENDER: Doesn't that hurt? PIRATE: Aye! It drives me nuts.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is a dead cat on the side of the road. A free cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the boy say after he got hit by a bus? Nothing. He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Where do fat girls go to eat doughnuts? Jenny Craig

thumb_up thumb_down -1

your moms my other ride

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many apes does it take to put in a light bulb 3

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

This is not a joke or is it

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock Knock. *Silence* Knock Knock. *Silence* Knock Knock. *Silence* *Busts open door* "Oh right... I killed Bob last week.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Friends are a lot like trees... ...they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

hey do you eat out a woman properly? you cook her first and then eat her. -jeffery dahmers

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter anyway because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what does hi = good by cause person doesn't like you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's black and white and red all over? A referee eating a red Popsicle on a hot summers day.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than getting tripped? Getting shot.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

whats orange, green and has a treadmill attached to it? a cantaloupe, i lied about the treadmill.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Eliz, Neo-Nero, its me Clint, had to fake my death for some years in order to get back to the order. Neo, I know Nero picked you as his successor, but honestly, I was his first choice, and I know you well enough to understand that things are getting out of hand over there. I will be there in 2 minutes Liz and you and I can meet up Neo, seriously what are you doing over there? Unless there is a problem do not bother answering, allow me to take charge of operations at least until tou calm down Neo, and unless you got problems with my absent authority I suggest you stop torturing people at once, and seriously if you cannot control your own people, you better let me back in charge. It is time to turn some things around guys, believe it or not but I found where the Spetz came from and I got em all, as for the Nazi scum they where just hired thugs and as far as my Intel goes most of those where taken down by Nero. Clint Lawman. Moral: "WTF? THESE ARE NOT EVEN MORALS! NO THESE ARE THE CODES WE USED TO AUTHENTICATE THE SOURCE AND SENDER OMG! ORLY? SRLSLY? LOL OMG!"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is the difference between Jews and boy scouts? Jews are a religious group. Boy scouts are a group of boys who enjoy camping and other outdoor activities.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

roses are red violets are blue i forgot what i was gonna say my dad is an engineer

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops