Why can't Jimmy talk? He's dead.

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what do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag? a fruit roll-up. GET IT? because gay guys like fruit roll-ups.

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Who's Italian and plays with a peach? Mario

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How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably a turtle.

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A dyslexic agnostic insomniac stays up at night wondering if there's a dog.

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What has two legs and two arms? A Human

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What did the guy say when he found out his girlfriend had a dick I don't think we should date anymore, you have a dick.

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An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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You suck big fat slobber

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a boy fell in mud... a kid took a bath with bubbles... bubbles was the girl next door!

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What's worse than a terrible joke? A worse joke.

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A man walks into a bar, looks to the right and sees a man one foot tall playing the piano, he sits at the bar and says to the bar tender,"I'm feeling kind of down" the bar tender gives him a bottle of very strong alcohol and later that night he goes home and hangs himself.

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What would be the worst thing to do to Helen Keller? Cut her hands off, as it would destroy her last chance at communication and re-arranging her house so she often fell nub first over chairs.

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The sentence at the bottom is true. The sentence at the top is false.

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Why did the boy want to sleep in the same bed as his parents? His bedroom was on fire.

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A young girl walks out of a bar then gets raped.

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Q: Whats the biggest lie? A: The Cake...

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Why did the young teenager cut class? To cut himself! Get it?! Its a pun!

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Why did the girl fall off of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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what did one tornado say to the other? im dizzy

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Q: What do you call a girl who wears a tuxedo to prom? A: Comfortable with the way she looks.

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Q.Why was the man so fat A. because he had to much to eat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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