How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

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What do you call a cow after an earthquake? Dead. The barn collapsed on top of it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmer's daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soy-bean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture remover's van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam, caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

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what do u say when u see your tv floating in the middle of the night? drop it n*****

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Why is my penis so damn small? Cause the good lord made me that way

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What is similar between women and puzzles? Neither had the right to vote before 1920. Puzzles still don't

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Why did the man with every known fatal disease die? Old age.

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What did Helen Keller name her pet dog? dfhiwueghweigw

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What happened when the mailman shot the plumber? The plumber died.

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A Mexican and a Black man are in a car. Who's driving? The police officer.

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What do you call a man who has a camera? a cameraman

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Q: What do you call a girl who wears a tuxedo to prom? A: Comfortable with the way she looks.

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http://richardfigures.com/

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What did the doctor say to his patient? Doctors are not allowed to give out personal information involving their patients.

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What happened when the man killed a baby? He was captured by the authorities and sentenced to life in prison.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? He looked at his gas bill.

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Q: whats pink and fluffy? A: Pink fluff.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? To get to the other side.

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Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.

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Heil Hitler!!!!!! Why thankyou General Himmler. Would you care to join me for supper this evening?

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Have you heard the one about the monkey who jumped off the roof? Neither have I.

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What does a camel wear at war? Camelflage

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Why did the baby fall down from the tree? It was dead.

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Whats fast, dead and make of CGI. Paul Walker

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops