whats funny? a relatsion ship for 16 hours

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What can u see in the dark that u can't see in the light? Absolutely nothing

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A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

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A man works at a brick factory. He is told by his boss that if he is to steal any brick from the factory, he will be sacked. But every day the man steals one brick and puts it in his lunch box to take home and is not caught. One day he has enough bricks to build a house, and he says "When I build this house there will be none left over". The house is now built and while the man is taking a look around he stubs his toe on something, he looks down to see a brick and he sighs, picks up the brick and throws it in the air. There are two pilots driving a plane, one has a dog and one has a wardrobe. One pilot says to the other "I don't particularly like dogs" then the other pilot says to him "I don't really like wardrobes". They then make an agreement and throw both the wardrobe and the dog out the window. Five minutes later one pilot looks out the window out onto the plane wing, and guess what he sees? A brick.

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Father Murphy met Samuel Myer on the street. Sam it's been a month o' Sundays since I've seen you. You look propserous. How's the moile business? A snip better, Father, since we talked last. And thank you. For what, Sam? Well the last time we met you asked what I did with the foreskins. Well, here is the answer, my new business. What's this, a wallet. But so smooth, Sam. Yeah, Father, but when you rub it. Rub it, Sam? Yeah when you rub it it falls apart. And you have to buy a new one! Mazel Tov!

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What battle did Napoleon die in? His last one.

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-What did the duck say to Federico Costa nearby the phonebox in a rainy day? -Quack

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roses are red violet is blue sugar is sweet f*ck you im a moon

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What do elephants have that no other animal has? Baby elephants.

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What player wears number 8 and plays for liverpool? Steven Gerrard

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Why did the boy scratch his back? A:because it was itchy.

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Ya Mums so fat when she stood on the scales it came up with my phone number

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What did Helen Keller say to the leper? Buaaaaguuuhloo

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A girl gets raped -teagan d

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Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his head

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is black.

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Me: Want to hear a funny joke? Person: What? Me: Women's Right.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Having your entire family killed in a car accident

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Why was a black man in a prison cell? He was a highly respected plumber fixing a prisoner's faulty toilet.

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Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Holy shit a talking Muffin."

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what's black and white? everything. i'm a dog

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Me Neither.

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How do you stay out of Heaven? you stay alive.

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Knock knock Whos there? The Gestapo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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